What are internal boundaries?
You’ve likely heard the term ‘boundaries’ before. It’s become a bit of a buzzword in the mental health and wellness space.
The word is often used in the context of external boundaries – essentially the set of rules we have of how we want others to treat us that help keep us emotionally, mentally, physically, sexually, and financially safe. Setting healthy boundaries in relationships with other people, whether they be friends, colleagues, employers, romantic partners, or family, is important. They help us respect our limits and nurture not only a sense of safety within ourselves but also with others in building healthier relationships. After all, relationships can become compromised when boundaries are continuously violated, breeding distrust, resentment and separateness.
We know external boundaries are important to have, but what are internal boundaries?
Internal boundaries are the set of promises we have with ourselves in how we treat ourselves and how we allow others to treat us. Here are a few examples of what internal boundaries might look like:
choosing to limit time spent scrolling on social media when we’ve noticed it affects our mood
practicing strategies that help protect against, and build understanding on, our own bullying, negative thoughts
not answering a work call after 7pm, after telling a colleague we’re no longer available off hours
not sharing our feelings or experiences with someone whom we don’t trust can be supportive
Using the last example, in a situation where a friend, whom we don’t trust to share our innermost feelings with, keeps pressuring us to share with them and we give in to their demands, that then would be a crossing of our internal boundaries.
Generally, external boundaries are the rules we communicate with others and internal boundaries are the rules we have with ourselves. They are equally important, but here’s the thing: we can communicate our boundaries to others but it doesn’t guarantee they will listen and change their behaviour. We can, however, listen to and respect our internal boundaries and build a healthy relationship with ourselves – which also helps strengthen our external boundaries with others.
Just as external boundaries can change and evolve, so too can our internal boundaries so these rules are meant to be revisited and reexamined throughout life.
Art Therapy Invitation: Exploring Internal Boundaries
This art therapy invitation for exploring internal boundaries is meant to help connect with your internal boundaries and start to identify what healthy boundaries with ourselves might look like.
Draw a medium circle on a piece of paper, and another medium circle on another piece of paper. (If using a large piece of paper, you can draw two circles on the same paper.)
On the inside of one of the circles, create a visual representation of how it feels when you’ve upheld an internal boundary and kept a promise to yourself. This might take the form of colour, shapes, certain images, metaphors or words. A reminder that there’s no right or wrong way to do this. Try not to filter and just allow the imagery to come out naturally.
On the inside of the second circle, create a visual representation of how it feels when you’ve crossed an internal boundary, or broke a promise to yourself. Similarly, use colours, shapes, images or words to add to the circle.
In a notebook or piece of paper, spend some time journaling your reflections on what thoughts or feelings came up for you during artmaking, then complete the following prompts:
When it comes to my internal boundaries, sometimes, I struggle with…
It is understandable I have struggled with this because…
Please remember to be gentle with yourself through this process! The purpose of this activity isn’t to lay blame or to have a dialogue with our inner judge, but simply to get curious about our experiences and try to gain more self-awareness and understanding.